Nana and Teagan. People often tell me they look alike. It's in the eyes... Teagan's are still changing but seem blue.

Tessa and her best friend, Libby spend some time by the pool.

Libby's mom, Molly and I feel so lucky to have each other. At least I know I feel lucky! She and I have known each other for years and years, our mothers were friends when we were about this age. We reconnected several years back as running partners, and have spent many very early mornings, running in the lovely Florida heat. It's been so nice having established our relationship before children, and now with the children I am finding even more so, how much I cherish her. We talk each morning and if it's past 9 and we haven't spoken, then we know it's either been a REALLY bad night or one of us is running. To have this unspoken agreement of support and kinship gives me comfort in this territory of unknowingness and at times, complete chaos. Molly helps remind me that all this is normal. All the feelings of isolation and at times, despair, the quiet joy of toddlers, the non sleeping, the pains in our stomachs that we feel when leaving our babies... we both speak to our children with kindness, we have respect for our children, we nurse together and want the same things from this experience of motherhood. Of course, we don't always know how to get what we want but I look to Molly to help me find it. And ultimately, what we want is children who grow to be individuals, kind and compassionate and confident. And not so remarkably, these are the qualities I honor in Molly. I'm so glad our children are growing together.

Tessa eats pasta... even though I'm her mom, I still have to say...look at those eyes!

My girls. This photo was taken last week. Tessa fell earlier that day. Cooper, the lizard chasing puppy and she collided. Within seconds, the bump on her head was purple and the size of a golf ball. We were at my moms and she said we had to go to the Dr. We went to Urgent care where they sent us to the ER for a cat scan. All seemed okay but just to be safe, we went. Brian and I and Tessa spent 6 hrs in the ER. My body was full of fear for the first time in Tessa's life. I was scared. Tessa did wonderfully, she laid still in the cat scan and was a charming patient though when we left, she cried and cried and told me the story of what happened..."Cooper, Tessa boom boom, Cooper sad. Tessa sad. Tessa cried...Cooper sad... Tessa band aid, medicine, doctor..."
So really, Teagan looks like Colleen's baby, right? And quite similar in temperment... those eyes are the watching kind... still and observant. Kind. Very kind.

And we finally met Jewel. Our friends, Barbara and Glenn's granddaughter who lives in California. She is a bit older than Tessa and they loved each other. Lots of kisses, running, and eating. Jewel introduced Tessa to nori and clams, though Jewel doesn't like clams. Tess ate about 30 of them and woke up the next day a little under the weather... and still asking for more Jewel.

Vacation: Tessa says it was "fun" we did "eating, playing, and swimming"

This past weekend we took a trip over to Sanibel Island.  We had fun, especially in retrospect... it was lots of fun.  Hard though, this traveling thing with children this age. But we faired we despite the stop and go traffic on the way there, crying children, hard to get to sleep toddler, several rooms and a not that fantastic hotel... (by the 3rd room we were satisfied)... and a LOT of togetherness, which of course is the point but also, of course, trying!  That's the way it goes though, and Brian and I are glad to have made something worth remembering.  Even more than ever, I know these times are only what we make them.

This is the adventure

Me, running, with both the girls.... really really really hard. My arms ache so bad, even once I'm done.  I am reminded of all the struggles I have worked through over the last 12 years that I've been running.  And this struggle, how freaking hot it is and how freaking heavy this stroller and car seat and toddler and infant.... well, I am doing it. I am doing it, somehow.  I hope my girls both know the power of mind over matter.  It's truly a testament to mothering, how to do what is best for you, the mother, maintaining your own person, your own self and still meet the needs of your children.  So what if I have to take a walk break and tie Tessa's shoe or stop so she can pee or swat a mosquito off Teagan's forehead.  At least I'm out there, maintaining some sense of my identity!
Our dear dear friends, Barbara and Glenn entertaining Teagan or maybe even more so, entertaining themselves!  Barbara was here at the house during Teagan's birth. We are lucky to have their love.

Tessa and her mittens. We read "Goodnight Moon"  and Tessa found these mittens and when she wears them she says "Goodnight mittens, goodnight kittens"

Cloth Diapers

I wrote this up for my best friend,Carrie who is expecting identical twin boys this winter.  Just some thoughts as a few other friends have asked me about my cloth diapers.  Washing and care to follow in a few days:

Diapers:  I use a few websites and often call to place my orders bc they are so helpful.

www.nickisdiapers.com and www.maineclothdiaper.com. 

and my good friend, Nadiyah who owns an organic baby store…

O Baby Organics

http://www.obabyorganics.biz/

 Nickisdiapers: free shipping on diaper covers!!!!

1. I would suggest using Chinese Prefolds from age new born though nearly walking. I used a few different sizes and they were/are great. Cheap and pretty easy to wash, dry. These require diaper cover (see next section) 

 http://www.maineclothdiaper.com/proddetail.php?prod=170

Sizing for Prefolds:  I would suggest getting Premie, Infant and Baby Premium as well. Premies are good for newborns of all sizes (Teagan and Tess both wore these for 2 weeks) Once they outgrow these, I use them as layering for nighttime diapers.  

Snappi brand fastners are good to keep these on instead of pins.  You will need probably 5-10 of these (Cheap) 

http://www.maineclothdiaper.com/proddetail.php?prod=3#

2. Once they get more mobile and bigger I switched to a "one size fits all, fitted diaper."   Fitted diapers require a diaper cover as well.  They have an extra insert that snaps into them to provide for more absorbency which is good for night and naps.  

These types of diapers come in a variety of sizes/fabrics. I chose to buy cotton ones, but many of my friends use a synthetic material diaper (pulls moisture better)  but they are more money and the cotton worked fine for me.  The "one size fits all"  is a good option because they snap tighter or looser depending on size of baby. So once you buy these, you don't have to keep getting more and more sizes as they grow. Tessa wore these from about 11 months-current (at night and nap).  They are expensive but totally worth it. The brand I chose was the cheapest I found (but again they are cotton and not hemp! Which I don't care about so they worked for me...) Again though there are many high-tech other kinds of fitted, one size  just more money....

I got these from a 3rd website tinytush.com (they probably carry the covers and the snappi fastners but I found that the other websites took less time for shipping) Tinytush.com is run by 1 mom and her family so it's slower to process orders.

http://www.tinytush.com/One-Size-Diapers_c_72.html

There are some different options as far as organic/not organic goes...you're call on that but I would suggest either the Tiny Tush Trim Organic or the Tiny Tush Trim regular.

If you wanted to opt for the more expensive, higher tech ones, I have used some Bum Genius Fitted, one Size and they are really  nice. But around $17.00 per diaper compared to $12.00 with Tiny Tush cotton.

3. I also have a few All in One's though I have tried many different brands and all of them leak. But I keep a few on hand just in case I run out of covers. The all in one's are diaper and cover included. Easy but leaky (i've found)

As for How Many???  If/When you call these places, ask their opinion.

I probably have the following and did pretty good with it.  I always end up getting more covers every few months as they get misplaced.

Premie Prefolds-figure 24 per baby

Infant 24 per baby or maybe 36 (you can see once babies come)

Premium 12-18 (though with these you can probably get away with less bc you will be transitioning to the fitted diapers by this time.  )  Don't order these before babies come.  Hold off on this size and just see how it's going.

Fitted diapers: 18-24 per baby  

OVERVIEW:  All cloth diapers require 3-4 washes before you can use them, so go ahead and get the prefolds before baby comes... I also got the fitted ones and liked having everything all ready (but I am neurotic like that)

Covers:

I have tried soooo many kinds of covers, in all price and cuteness categories and my favorite (the cheapest and best at keeping them dry) are the Bummis Super Whisper Pant. the Pant NOT the Wrap or Cover:

http://nickisdiapers.com/catalog.php?category=74

Get at least 8-10 per baby, per size (this brand/type runs big so I suggest getting premie size and buy them as they grow.

More on washing ect later

A Plastic Wine Glass filled with Water

Sunday Night DInner on the Boat

Here's Tessa, in a bucket.  Funny.




Sunday, my parents, Colleen and Alain and Bri, I, and the girls went out on the boat for dinner.  How lucky it feels to be on the water.  As you can see, happiness was all around us.

They belong together

I am in awe of the relationship between Teagan and Tessa.  They have come into this world knowing each other, expecting each other and the magic that exists between them is already well established.  Their relationship has little to do with me, but instead what lies between them is a connection as intimate as my connection with each of them.  When we get ready to leave the house, Tessa asks for Teagan. "Teagan come?"  The other day Brian was leaving for work and kissed me and kissed Tessa and Tess, not realizing he had just kissed Teagan,  called out after him, "Bri's Teagan kiss."  I see that Tessa's identity is based in part on Teagan. The same way I identify myself as Colleen's sister.  Colleen and I are as different as possible and yet, as the same time, our essence is the same.  Our kinship is based in loving one another, in needing one another in order to be fully ourselves.  Colllen has given me the opportunity to find a quiet, calm in the midst of chaos.  She is the simple calmness that observes and processes. I am the simple calm that reacts and processes.  I see these roles emerging in Tessa and Teagan. I am closely monitoring the way to balance both of their growing needs and personalities, foster their individual sense, tending the the spark in Tessa and the subtley in Teagan.  I only hope they will remain as connected as they seem in these early months.

Teagan and colleen by the pool. We are enjoying the chubby belly Teagan is growing

We took the girls on Papa's boat and Teagan went for a dip. A few minutes after this was taken, she fell asleep in brian's arms, in the water.


My aunt Doreen and my mom took Tessa to the barn

tessa and nana

On this night, my mom and dad came for dinner. We were supposed to go out on the boat and a lightning storm came...but we had fun. Tessa was in rare form, very excited to have them at the house.  She spent most of the evening naked (as usual) and take note of her hair do. "1 pigtail", the other side "no pigtail."  She and Nana pushed these strollers around the house most of the night. 

Teagan as she is. So simply kind.  She is emerging  as subtle and magical as fairy dust sparkle

Tessa and her best friend, Libby.  They spend lots of time in the bathroom, waiting and listening for the pee...

Tessa and her friends at the park.  Tessa continued to push Mia (to the left of Tess) again and again. Sorry Mia.  We're working on that.  

Tessa in a bag

 Jim put Tessa in a bag and carried her around. I thought it was so funny... but maybe no one else will!