The time has come

Teagan is walking. She put together a few steps on Friday and each day since then has added more and more. Fabulous to watch the unfolding and her utter determination. In her lovely, joyous way she has come through this process with little resistance or frustration. SImply desire, need and trust.






And some swimming.



Tessa cleaning the floor as Teagan climbed up onto the table. Once Teagan was up there, she played for almost 20 minutes before wanting to climb down. The girls must feel complete when Brian and I are home together with them. If it's just me with the girls, they follow me to every room (mostly Tess) and won't leave my side. But when all of us are home, they find the work I've set up for them and I am able to just watch their minds working.

Little Poet

Here's a poem made by the poems you all brought for Teagan in honor of her naming ceremony. Thank you for your words, your grace and your love. May we all remember the power of our words and the presence of poetry in all we do. Teagan reminds us of such.


Your children are not your children.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

A knowing spirit of love... Inspires all she meets.
A hive of honey bees I say, it's the fire in my eyes, the joy of my feet.

You may house their bodies but not their souls.

A friend fills life with beauty, joy and grace.
Trust those you have helped to help you in their turn.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.

You're so true, be my friend
Teagan Teagan you're so cute, you're like a boot.

You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.

Tus ojos brillan, dando celos a diamentes

Teagan Cay.

Trust your heart, and trust your story.

There is a worm at the heart of the tower; that is why is will not stand.

Ask for help. Grant forgiveness. Abandon intolerance.

They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

God's gift on a rainy night last May.
And Teagan replied...."nothing mother"

The journey is yours, the journey is yours. Angels watching over you, all day, all night

Be still long enough to hear your own leaves rustling.
Do not play at tug o' war.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

Remember your name.

The gift of Teagan

Last Thursday Teagan celebrated her 1st birthday. It was a day marked, for me as her mother, in total joy. I can honestly say that in the last year, she has brought our family and our friends simple, unbridled, love and delight. One of my favorite images of Teagan is her, a few weeks old, hardly even 2 feet long, her limbs wobbly and fingers thin not yet chubby. I had just finished putting Tessa to sleep and came out to find Teagan in her dads' arms. I scooped her up, nursed her and then laid her to rest in the crook of my crossed legs as I sat indian sytyle on the bed. There she nuzzled herself into the folds of my ankles and calves and fell asleep. She stayed there for over an hour. Fawn-like and in complete trust of the universe.

A few months back, she reached out for a woman who was standing next to us in the Whole Foods line. The woman noticed her, Teagan smiled and reached her hand toward the woman's face. Teagan smiled even wider. Then she waved and said "hi." The woman, for that moment was entirely captured by Teagan's spark. She then turned to me and said, "Your baby changed me today."

Such is Teagan. A day changer, a moment changer, a life changer.

On the day of her birthday, we played at the pool with some friends, then made our way to Savannah, Ga, where we spent the weekend. My brother graduated from Savannah College of Art and Design. So there, we had more celebrating and Teagan took her first step.

She is so verbal, so many words. Her latest is "Tessa" and the past few days she's been bringing me things from around the house, Tessa's shoes, a diaper, a car... And she looks up at me, holding the item and proudly says, "Tessa?"

The following are some of the past weeks' photographs.

what we give

Last week's beginning brought me through moments of desperation and fury. Nothing really specific but rather just the culmination of mothering, waking too often, too early, nursing, teaching swimming lessons, tutoring, grocery shopping, cooking dinner, tending to my marriage, running, (did i say mothering?!!!!)

For several days, I wrestled with the growing fatigue, using my affirmations, "Grant me the strength to rise above that which brings me challenge." I practiced my breathing, I focused on the moment, I carved out a space for myself (if only for 3 minutes) and yet ... the storm which was growing within me and also perhaps around me, was unescapable. My only hope to find clarity was too allow the storm to overcome me. And it did. By Tuesday afternoon, I was caught in tears and rage. Sadly, I fought with Brian and Brian with me, in front of Tessa and Teagan. But Tuesday night, I was heavy with the guilt of this.

"Had today's fighting diminished my loving? All my tender, careful, patient choices? My detailed explanations of feelings, of not hurting another human being? Would Tessa think of these moments? Would Teagan?v Will they shape who she is and what she will expect from her spouse? From herself?"

It wasn't until Wednesday afternoon that I began to find peace within this. Running Thursday morning, I vowed to myself, that while fighting is okay, is healthy, my children need not be witness. They need not be afraid of me or my emotions. I want them to feel safe, not sheltered, but safe in light of my emotions and ultimately theirs. So, in honor of my vowing, I am making a public declaration. To my children, when I find myself with rage and storm, may I honor these emotions in a healthy way. May I find them, hold them and allow them the space they deserve. May I be able to walk away from the anger, not because of a denial but rather in honor of its strength. In the same way I would walk away from fire, knowing the fire's strength is absolute.

And may I also continue to learn, it is better to be happy than right...and may I give this to my children.

Post It...

Tessa found some highlighter markers at Nana's house. I pretended not to notice and let the two of them find their way... then she found some "Post It" notes...

Why Marriage? By Mari Nichols-Haining

This weekend Brian and I went to a wedding. A good friend of mine, since I was 13, married her beloved. The ceremony was honest and full of truth. Set among the canopy of sea grape trees, I listened as they vowed their love for one another in public declaration. I was reminded of why I married Brian. How thankful I am for this remembrance. An excerpt from one of their chosen readings, I loved this not because of it incredible poetic nature but instead, I loved this reading for its simplicity. Thank you, Lindsey and Scott for honoring your love and allowing me to remember.

...Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole...

Because, knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness
I create me,
I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage...

Because with this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.

And here are a few photos of the last few weeks in our house. Full of friends and family... our lives brimming with what is possible.