Teagan sits up now

A Few Months Ago

Just found this video from a few months ago.

Tessa and her best friend Libby

Thanksgiving race

My whole family ran a Thanksgiving 4 mile race. We passed out fish stickers in honor of our little Fisher friend who has gone on ahead. About 30 of us wore them. A mile into the race, my sister noticed a woman on our right. She wore a blue soccer jersey shirt with "Fisher" written across the back. How lucky we felt, touched by some Fisher magic. Later, at the finish area, I found her and shared the story with her. She let me take a picture of her back.

Crazy Molly talked crazy me into running the race pushing our big, yellow strollers. With 2 children about 50 lbs. She promised to stay with me but her competitiveness got the best of her when she spotted another crazy mom pushing her children. Molly saw her and was determined to beat her. I said I wasn't up for the challenge and settled into my own pace. Molly raced ahead and beat that lady with the red, double running stroller.

Colleen and I and the girls. Tessa is wearing her medal. There was a 100 yrd dash for children. Tessa ran well, got her finisher medal and then hopped into the stroller to join us on our run. We only had to stop once for snacks

My mom and dad with Tessa pie.

A bit of happiness

More NY

Liz and our friend Christy and Teagan and I had a slumber party all weekend. We haven't done something like that in so many years. While the reason for our visit was incredibly sad, in the midst of it all, we found joy in being together with old friends.

Our time in New York

Of my friends in college, here are those of us that are mothers. Well, except Carrie. She had already left when we took the picture.

Teagan looks out at Queens, from the cab.

Here she is, my Carrie. What a mother she is. And a healthy Truman.
Teagan with Mika, my friend since 8th grade.

And Teagan with Carrie

More of Truman with his mom and dad.

A brief update

Hello Friends,

I just returned from New York where I attended a memorial service for Fisher. The gathering of friends and family was magical. My dear Carrie, a mother of triumphant measure, held her own. I was lucky enough to witness her holding her baby, Truman. He is doing well and continues to improve. In his mothers' arms, his fathers hand resting on his head, I saw the love out of which he was created, Truman is beautiful. His brother's spirit lives in him.

As soon as I am able, I will post some of the photos

A great sadness

Today, I am filled with a deep sadness. My dearest friend in the whole world, Carrie and her husband, Michael have lost their 1 month old baby boy. Fisher. Yesterday. The link to their blog is www.twintotwintransfusion.blogspot.com. Fisher was a twin and as of now, his brother, Truman is in critical condition as well. I am writing in hopes that if you read this, you will send all the love and white light and whatever life force you believe in, to them. To Truman who is fighting to live. He will live, we must believe this.

Carrie has been my friend, (though she may argue this) since we were six. I met her in dance class and she fell in love with me or so she says. She thought I was really cool and wanted to be my friend. According to her I was very rude and dismissive of her friendship. I do remember this to a degree. She was always telling me I had pretty hair and always much bugging me. A few times during these early years I would go over to her house because both of our dads were softball coaches. She says she would be so excited for me to come and I didn't even want to play in her room.

Well, we continued on this one-sided friendship. I suppose she just had the foresight to know that one day I would be the one vying for her love and attention. By the time 7th grade came around, she was already attending the School of the Arts, I didn't come until 8th grade. I was a stranger to everyone but Carrie befriended me. She was big enough to see through my years of unfriendship and accept me now that I needed her. I should have known then, she is of remarkable integrity.

We were inseparable from that time on and in college, we were roommates. We were both accepted into a school with very few girls and it was amazing how lucky we were to both be there. During those college years, our friendship changed and was marked by a love so fierce, I knew we would never be apart. In those years, which for me, were full of remarkable struggle she would often hold me in her arms. With a confidence I couldn't muster for myself, she had hope for me and held that hope until I was ready to embrace it myself. In many ways, she saved me from myself.

Carrie was with me when I delivered Tessa, she has been with me when I've run marathons, we shared our weddings... there is little we have not been through together. And today in in the days and months to come I only pray I can return to her the hope she has given me.

May she and her family be in your hope as well.

A morning exchange

Tessa and tosh converse

I thought this was such a treat, to witness the interaction between Tessa and her friend, Tosh, who is just a month younger than her. This particular day was filled with very little conflict and incredibly mature exchange of conversation.

halloween bunnies

"Look at the Child"

Sorry for the delay in posting... computer was being repaired. Here's a morning in October. Both girls nearly ready to get out the door and I so wanted to just look at them.. take a moment and see them. Montessori has a phrase "Look at the child." This is helping me cope with the waves motherhood brings, the sometimes crashing and the sometimes rolling waves. The phrase is the basis of Montessori philosophy, and translates into seeing the chid for what and who they are. For instance, if I can catch Tessa in a moment that might be for her challenging, (which, of course, translates into a challenging moment for me) and look into her eyes, really look at her and see her for a tiny little person in this great big world, just trying to communicate in words what she needs. If I can see that she is such a little person, still very much a baby, with countertops that she can't reach, a toilet that comes up to her chest, a bed that is nearly as tall as she is, these things and looking at her help me to see her and in turn, help her through whatever developmental phase happens to be taking over her body and mind at that current moment... then... I can breathe and then I can help her breathe and then "I have truly "Looked at the child." http://www.amazon.com/Look-Child-Expression-Montessoris-Insights/dp/0960101624.

Just a thought

Truly Happy For Her Happy Birthday

Teagan finds such delight in Tessa. How lucky I am to witness such a bond

On her actual birthday, Tessa's best friend came over for lunch. We had an impromptu party and instead of cake, I put 2 fig newtons on a plate and put candles in them. The girls LOVED the "little happy cakes."

Here is Tessa, first thing in the morning on her bday... opening her gifts from her aunt Christine and her cousins Kaylee and Allison... Tessa thought the butterfly wings were "nice!"

Tessa opening her presents from Grandma Kathy. She finally got some play doh (Sp???) When she opened it, along with all the markers and crayons, she ran to get Teagan..."Teagan see... markers... oh my... play doh... Teagan see??.... oh my... wow!"

We went to Cooks, Inc. in Abacoa for Tessa's family party. It was so nice to all be together. It's super cool there, you get to go into the kitchen and make your own pizza. (Thurs. is Pizza Night) abacoacooks.com

Here's Tessa's great aunt, Doreen.

Tessa and her 2nd cousins, Claire and Ayla
Here we are with Tessa's other 2nd cousin, Kelli. We are putting on our gloves to get the pizza making started.
Tessa chose red sauce, olives and monzerella. And using her fork very intently.
My dad and Tess

Teagan rolls...

Meal of the Past Few Weeks

This has been our staple for the past few weeks. We have all enjoyed it, including Tess.

I basically just put all this stuff together and don't really have a reciepe that I follow but here's what I do:

Corn and Shrimp Chowder

3-4 Small Potatoes diced (I've been getting beautiful Organic Yukons from our good friend Chris at Palm Beach Organics www.palmbeachorganics.org)

1/2 an onion chopped

3 cobs of corn cut off cob or about 1/2 bag or frozen

olive oil

good size pat of butter to saute onions in

salt and pepper

cream

Shrimp (1/2 lb to 1 lb depending on how much shrimp you want)

any herbs, can use dried too: bay leaf, rosemary, thyme...

First, thaw shrimp and once thawed cut into bite size pieces.

Okay, saute onions with some salt (my sister taught me this, sautéing onions always need salt to release their best flavors) . Once transparent, add diced potatoes and cover potatoes w/ water. Add a decent amount of salt, pepper, bay leaf, rosemary (whatever else you want) and let those cook on med. to bring to slow boil and until potatoes are soft.

Pour mixture into blender or food processor or something like that and add about 1/2 c. of cream and blend just a bit until thick. Add this back to the pot and stir, add more water if too thick, add corn and more salt if need be. Keep warm.

In frying pan, heat olive oil, cover shrimp pieces w/ some pepper and salt and saute until pink.

Add shrimp to soup mixture. That's it.... tasty w/ a nice salad.

A few days before 2

These photos were taken a few days before Tessa turned 2. Lately our days are marked by an ebb and flow, well, a rather strong ebb and flow. Well, some pulls too. I keep asking myself if things are challenging because I have two children. And I think not necessarily. Tessa's growing need for independence is lovely and tough at the same time. Caring for Teagan is not really difficult, she is happy doing what ever it is we are doing. She's easy to sleep, easy to rise, and smiley nearly all the time. Extremely relaxed. And Tessa's happy too, she's delightful, charming and these are the qualities I have to remember as I navigate through her increasing demands that bring frustration, and yelling and crying. She is, as my mother tells me often, very much like me. And the same goes for me. I have to remember that in this time when I am sleep deprived, emotionally drained, hormonally taxed, I too, possess a kindness and life force that pulls me through. I, too, can be delightful. I must remember this and not judge my self harshly. Forgive myself for my at times, impatience and faults. I can thank Tessa for this lesson!

This past weekend we attended a La Leche League Parenting Conference. Sat. night was a family fun night, full of games and music and kiddie pools with floating, plastic ducks. Tessa had fun in the water and when I turned around, she had taken off all her clothes. So, here, in a room of about 300 people, Tessa wandered through the crowds naked. I took some photos and then proceeded to wrap her in a towel. But, the crowd of parents enjoyed it and she wasn't phased in the slightest. Such is childhood.

Teagan's eyes continue to enhance her every expression


Most days after the girls wake from their naps, (that is, if Tessa will nap... but that's another story!) I give them an opportunity to interact without me interfering. On this day, and increasingly so lately, Tessa is more and more gentle.

Teagan 12 weeks and she got her first tooth!!!!

It's been a few weeks....

Teagan and baby Will (Molly's second child) finally get some photos together. Finally. Will is 2 weeks older than Teagan. They are both really chill and don't mind the chaos and demands of their older sisters, Libby and Tessa. That's how it goes!!!

Nana and Teagan. People often tell me they look alike. It's in the eyes... Teagan's are still changing but seem blue.

Tessa and her best friend, Libby spend some time by the pool.

Libby's mom, Molly and I feel so lucky to have each other. At least I know I feel lucky! She and I have known each other for years and years, our mothers were friends when we were about this age. We reconnected several years back as running partners, and have spent many very early mornings, running in the lovely Florida heat. It's been so nice having established our relationship before children, and now with the children I am finding even more so, how much I cherish her. We talk each morning and if it's past 9 and we haven't spoken, then we know it's either been a REALLY bad night or one of us is running. To have this unspoken agreement of support and kinship gives me comfort in this territory of unknowingness and at times, complete chaos. Molly helps remind me that all this is normal. All the feelings of isolation and at times, despair, the quiet joy of toddlers, the non sleeping, the pains in our stomachs that we feel when leaving our babies... we both speak to our children with kindness, we have respect for our children, we nurse together and want the same things from this experience of motherhood. Of course, we don't always know how to get what we want but I look to Molly to help me find it. And ultimately, what we want is children who grow to be individuals, kind and compassionate and confident. And not so remarkably, these are the qualities I honor in Molly. I'm so glad our children are growing together.

Tessa eats pasta... even though I'm her mom, I still have to say...look at those eyes!

My girls. This photo was taken last week. Tessa fell earlier that day. Cooper, the lizard chasing puppy and she collided. Within seconds, the bump on her head was purple and the size of a golf ball. We were at my moms and she said we had to go to the Dr. We went to Urgent care where they sent us to the ER for a cat scan. All seemed okay but just to be safe, we went. Brian and I and Tessa spent 6 hrs in the ER. My body was full of fear for the first time in Tessa's life. I was scared. Tessa did wonderfully, she laid still in the cat scan and was a charming patient though when we left, she cried and cried and told me the story of what happened..."Cooper, Tessa boom boom, Cooper sad. Tessa sad. Tessa cried...Cooper sad... Tessa band aid, medicine, doctor..."
So really, Teagan looks like Colleen's baby, right? And quite similar in temperment... those eyes are the watching kind... still and observant. Kind. Very kind.

And we finally met Jewel. Our friends, Barbara and Glenn's granddaughter who lives in California. She is a bit older than Tessa and they loved each other. Lots of kisses, running, and eating. Jewel introduced Tessa to nori and clams, though Jewel doesn't like clams. Tess ate about 30 of them and woke up the next day a little under the weather... and still asking for more Jewel.