Gratitude

So I am officially in training mode for the 50k in October. I can't stop thinking about it and every time I do, I am overcome by excitement. Now because it's only July I know I must temper myself somewhat but really, I am so happy with my goal. I was telling my mom, once again, how thrilled I am. And she said it just right, "It's like you have a part of yourself back..." It's true, the last time I was training for a race was before Tessa, before pregnancy. That's almost six years ago and yes, I missed it and yes, I ached for the solitude of a long run along the Charles River, though I knew what I was doing, birthing babies, nursing, snuggling in the early morning light, was just right. The time for running more, pushing myself physically would come again and here I am, the again is upon me and I'm so thankful. My children don't need me like they once did. Tessa makes her own toast each morning. I am free to rise before they wake and make my way through the town, running so that when I get home I am a better mom than when I left. And though I miss the nursing snuggles, I am so proud of what I accomplished in the earliest years of their life. Now, it's my job to integrate all the parts of myself and racing is part of that. I ran the Blue Heron Bridge with a new friend, Dave M. He's delighted me with the ways of ultra running and introduced me to many new people. And though we've just met, I know our friendship will grow and he will serve as a great running mentor. Gratitude for where I am and those who stand beside me.

A year later

I woke up this morning compelled to visit this space. To document something here. And when I looked at the last entry I posted, it was exactly a year ago today, July 1. So I suppose on this date, it is quite fitting to return. How many waves of life have passed since last year. Really, whenever I think of a year as being a short time, I take a quick review of what has occurred in that year and I am always amazed how much can be packed into a single year. And in that light a year seems long. I do know that last year at this time my life's view was very skewed in the wake of Alison's death. My grieving took me places I never imagined possible. My marriage and my role as a mother changed in the wake. And a year later I can say the changes are truly magnificent. There is little about myself that remains the same as this time last year. Even the very best parts of myself are different, I now believe I operate from those parts more than I ever have. Each day I am making a conscious choice to make my life the way I want it to be rather than feeling I am at the mercy of my life. I am grateful I for the last year though in its hardship I hardly thought I'd survive. But I have. And so has my family more intact than ever. And for the details... Teagan just turned 3 and Tess will be 5 in a few months. I am writing and publishing poems, my book is very very close to being complete and ready to send out to presses in the hopes they will publish it. Brian has a new job. And most exciting at least for today, I have just signed up for an ultra marathon. An ultra marathon is anything over a marathon distance (26.2). My race is a 50k which is 31.6 miles and I'll be running The Northface Endurance Challenge in Atlanta. October 13. Brian will support me on Saturday and I'll be a smiling face in the crowd for his half marathon (13.1) on Sunday. The ultra has been a dream for years and years... I am beyond excited and officially training. Feeling so lucky to be living courageously. Another gift Alison has taught me. More to come.... And it won't be a year. Xo