They belong together

I am in awe of the relationship between Teagan and Tessa.  They have come into this world knowing each other, expecting each other and the magic that exists between them is already well established.  Their relationship has little to do with me, but instead what lies between them is a connection as intimate as my connection with each of them.  When we get ready to leave the house, Tessa asks for Teagan. "Teagan come?"  The other day Brian was leaving for work and kissed me and kissed Tessa and Tess, not realizing he had just kissed Teagan,  called out after him, "Bri's Teagan kiss."  I see that Tessa's identity is based in part on Teagan. The same way I identify myself as Colleen's sister.  Colleen and I are as different as possible and yet, as the same time, our essence is the same.  Our kinship is based in loving one another, in needing one another in order to be fully ourselves.  Colllen has given me the opportunity to find a quiet, calm in the midst of chaos.  She is the simple calmness that observes and processes. I am the simple calm that reacts and processes.  I see these roles emerging in Tessa and Teagan. I am closely monitoring the way to balance both of their growing needs and personalities, foster their individual sense, tending the the spark in Tessa and the subtley in Teagan.  I only hope they will remain as connected as they seem in these early months.

Teagan and colleen by the pool. We are enjoying the chubby belly Teagan is growing

We took the girls on Papa's boat and Teagan went for a dip. A few minutes after this was taken, she fell asleep in brian's arms, in the water.


My aunt Doreen and my mom took Tessa to the barn

tessa and nana

On this night, my mom and dad came for dinner. We were supposed to go out on the boat and a lightning storm came...but we had fun. Tessa was in rare form, very excited to have them at the house.  She spent most of the evening naked (as usual) and take note of her hair do. "1 pigtail", the other side "no pigtail."  She and Nana pushed these strollers around the house most of the night. 

Teagan as she is. So simply kind.  She is emerging  as subtle and magical as fairy dust sparkle

Tessa and her best friend, Libby.  They spend lots of time in the bathroom, waiting and listening for the pee...

Tessa and her friends at the park.  Tessa continued to push Mia (to the left of Tess) again and again. Sorry Mia.  We're working on that.  

Tessa in a bag

 Jim put Tessa in a bag and carried her around. I thought it was so funny... but maybe no one else will!

Tessa 22 months, Teagan 7 weeks and Things are Getting Easier

Teagan 7 weeks and Smiling on the kitchen floor. I was sweeping around her. She found it humorous.
Tessa loves her new "Tessa" shirt. My dear friend Carrie sent it to her and a "Teagan" one too.  Tess put it on immediately and headed outside to show the "kids... Trevor and Cali".  Sje rode her scooter and then carried her scooter. (see below)  Once it got too heavy, she rode it again


Teagan is quite content sleeping... 
Recently a close friend of my mom passed away.  Ms. Betty. Ms. Betty was my mom's assistant in her classroom for 7+ years.  She was in her seventies and seemed to exude as much energy as the kindergarten children. She could sew, she made my mom and my sister and me matching aprons.  She painted sets for the school plays, she played kickball, she baked. She baked biscotti for my wedding, she made birthday cakes for my mom, she made gingerbread houses for the children.  She was jolly and good at laughing. My mom loved her and has been struck by the sadness of losing her.  I have been struck by the passing of time, how quickly life passes.  Ms. Betty's life too, I imagine.  

I always thought there was something else out there in life that would be better than whatever I was doing.  How the future would always be more poignant,  more fulfilling than the now.  And yet, now, particularly with the birth of my children I am certain that no time in my past will ever be recreated.  The joy I have felt in the past, will never "be" again.  It is a matter of circumstance, the time we spend with friends can not be reclaimed, No future holds anything necessarily better. While the future may bring more joy, more experiences, the emotions of here and now will pass too.  I don't think we can know this early on, this realization comes from missing our past.  This realization comes from loss, losing what was and can not ever be again.

Such is life, the lessons and what I am learning.  I am trying desperately to imprint each passing moment with my two babes.  Knowing, this time, too, will pass.

4th of July

4th of July was hot. We put Teagan in her sling and she fell asleep, face and body smoshed against me in the heat.  (See photo below)  We didn't stay too long but did enjoy the company.  Our friends Paulina and Victoria and "toria dada.."  
Humid and very frightening for Tess, "Boom boom, loud (as she covers her ears)  Tessa sad... Tessa cry... Tessa scared... Tessa safe (as she pats her heart)."



Teagan is now almost 6 weeks old.  She is smiling. Often. When she is not sleeping. She sleeps alot.  She is truly a love, an absolute love.  Having a second child is easier, relatively.  Somewhat.  In the sense that I am more confident, more secure.  Today I drove to Port St. Lucie to see our midwife, Jyl and I was thinking back to the time when Tess was Teagan's age.  I was nervous to drive around the corner for fear she'd cry.  Teagan did cry, for hardly a minute but she did nonetheless.  But this time around I know it will pass. And it did. 

 I wish I could say that for the things I am finding challenging as Tessa grows.  This week Tessa climbed out of her crib. Our dear friend Sharon gave Tess a "big girl bed." And her little body is so little in it.  Tessa, also in the last week has stopped nursing to sleep at night and at nap.  This has been monumental for me, not so much for her.  I know time is passing, change coming upon us.  I am letting her grow, her independence is blooming.  Once I told her she didn't need to nurse, explained how big she was and that she was safe to let me rock her to sleep, she seemed more confident.  The next night she asked Brian to put her to sleep. proud to do so. "Mama, night night Bri's...No no night night Mama. Night Night Teagan, kisses Mama."  The next morning she repeated this same story to me, smiling and standing full chested and certain. 

tessa swims